Somehow man has gone from wearing bits of animal skin around his feet to wearing all kinds of strange mutated men’s shoes like rubber flippers.
Yes, the missing link of mens shoes is a mystery to one and all, so we might as well embrace the colourful and wacky world of mutant footwear whilst we ponder how it happened.
We’re not sure Darwin’s Theory of Evolution explains a caveman growing long rubber flippers from his ankles, but who cares when you can swim almost as fast as a turtle or that Australian olympic swimmer with dolphin feet.
Just look at them! What possible need did man have to create such mutated excuses for footwear? And surely nobody ever picked winkles with their feet — unless for an ‘armless bit of fun ha-ha.
That’s right we’ve spent thousands of years learning how to stand up properly and stop swinging from trees and look what turns up. Monkey feet encase your feet with a rubber skin and allow you to jump and dance like a monkey. Hmm … maybe that mutation is a backward step.
As man progressed from the caves into the courtyards of castles, there was a demand for giggles and huge footprints. Luckily, funny men everywhere sprouted hilarious lumps of footwear and golden giggle moments were created.
It looks like a camel toe and somehow enables you to sneak into villian’s houses without being seen (just like Bruce Lee). We’re guessing this mutation came about rather abruptly when one evening a ninja trapped his little pinkie between some automatic doors.
Enabling man to fly over Christmas rooftops and fit down chimneys, these special reindeer slippers are every man’s envy. Well, actually they’re forced upon them by close relatives and must be worn in good spirit (and ridicule) around the house for the next 100 Christmases.
Like a travelling circus freakshow mutant men’s shoes are fun for a while, but then it’s time to step into the light once more and get your feet sorted with some proper footwear.